What Coaches and Mentors Can Learn from Uniquely Human
Coach Reyes ran youth soccer practices like clockwork: whistle, drill, whistle, next drill. One player, Owen, always hung back a few seconds after every whistle, sometimes covering his ears before he moved. Reyes read it as reluctance and called him out twice for "not hustling." A parent later mentioned, quietly, that the whistle was loud and sudden for Owen in a way it apparently wasn't for other kids on the team. Reyes tried a simple hand signal as a warning a few seconds before the whistle actually blew. Owen stopped lagging almost immediately. He also started talking more at practice, offering plays he'd clearly been noticing all along but hadn't volunteered before. Reyes hadn't changed the drills or the expectations. He'd changed one small, sudden sensory trigger, and gotten a more engaged player back in return, one he'd nearly written off as simply uncommitted.
The whole book, compressed
This edition works through 4 core lessons — take them one at a time, not all at once.
What's different for your conditions
Tap whichever ones sound like you. Nothing here is sent or saved — it's just for your own noticing.
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The core lessons, applied to you
Reading disengagement as a signal worth checking
A player who hangs back, avoids eye contact during a talk, or seems distracted during instructions is often assumed to be unmotivated before anyone checks what's actually happening. Treating that behavior as a signal worth investigating, rather than a verdict on character, frequently uncovers something fixable that looks nothing like a motivation problem.
Some disengagement really is about interest or effort, and constant investigation can start to feel like excuse-making rather than support.
The next time you're tempted to call out a player for low effort, ask one private question first.
Trust as the actual coaching relationship
A player or mentee who trusts that a coach is trying to understand them, not just correct them, tends to take more risks, ask more questions, and stay in the relationship longer than one managed purely through correction and consequence.
Some moments in competition require immediate, direct correction that trust-building can't replace in the instant it's needed.
After your next correction, follow it with one genuine question about how the player experienced the moment.
Adjusting intensity, not just expectations
Loud whistles, crowded sidelines, and sudden physical contact are built into many sports and structured activities, and small adjustments, a hand signal before a whistle, a quieter corner before a big event, can reduce real strain without lowering what's expected of anyone.
Some sensory intensity is inherent to the activity itself and genuinely cannot be removed without changing the sport.
Identify one predictable sensory trigger in your practice routine and add a warning cue before it happens.
Coaching to what a player is actually drawn to
Structured programs often push every player toward the same well-rounded skill set, treating any narrow focus as something to broaden out. Noticing what a specific player is genuinely drawn to instead, a particular position, a specific kind of pattern-reading, and building their role around it tends to produce both better performance and a player who stays engaged for the long run rather than drifting away.
The tension is between the patience trust-building requires and the short, high-pressure windows most coaching and mentoring relationships actually happen in. Holding both means making small, consistent gestures of understanding, a private question, a quiet check-in, part of the normal rhythm of practice, rather than treating trust-building as a separate project that competes with limited time.
Name one thing, honestly
- Which player or mentee's disengagement have you read as a motivation problem without checking what's underneath it? - What sensory conditions in your sessions could you adjust without lowering what you expect from anyone? - Where have you pushed for well-roundedness instead of building around what someone is already drawn to?
Good. Now look back at the "Try this" line under whichever lesson feels most connected to what you just wrote, and treat that as this week's actual assignment — not all 4 at once.
The practices from this edition
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Run this for seven days
Identify one predictable sensory trigger in your practice routine and add a warning cue before it happens.