What Coaches and Mentors Can Learn from Option B
Coach Willis had guided the same youth track team for nine years when one of his most promising runners quit the sport after her father died suddenly midseason. He assumed his job was to give her space and wait for her to come back when ready, so he stopped reaching out, worried any contact would seem like pressure. Three months passed with no word. A fellow coach finally told him plainly, "Space isn't the same as absence. Text her one specific thing." Willis sent one message: an invitation to just watch practice from the fence, no running required. She showed up that Thursday, stood there twenty minutes, and returned to actual practice within a month. Willis realized his silence, meant as respect, had read to her as indifference, and one small, specific gesture had said what months of careful distance could not.
The whole book, compressed
This edition works through 4 core lessons — take them one at a time, not all at once.
What's different for your conditions
Tap whichever ones sound like you. Nothing here is sent or saved — it's just for your own noticing.
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The core lessons, applied to you
Compassion for Your Own Uncertainty as a Mentor
Coaches facing a mentee's setback often blame themselves for not knowing the perfect thing to say, treating any awkward gesture as a failure of the role. Self-compassion here means accepting that supporting someone through loss is genuinely hard to do well, and an imperfect but present attempt is more valuable than a perfect message never sent. Forgiving your own uncertainty frees you to reach out at all.
A mentor waits for the ideal thing to say, and the waiting becomes the silence the mentee experiences as abandonment.
Before your next attempt to reach a struggling mentee, write down one imperfect but honest sentence and send it rather than waiting for a better one.
Small, Specific Gestures Rebuild the Relationship
Coaches often believe a single meaningful conversation will resolve a mentee's disengagement, and wait for the right moment to arrive. Meanwhile, smaller gestures, a specific invitation, a short note, an unprompted check-in unrelated to the setback, tend to rebuild trust and presence far more reliably than one carefully planned conversation that keeps getting postponed.
A coach postpones any outreach until they can arrange a substantial, meaningful conversation, and months pass with no contact at all.
This week, send one small, specific, low-pressure invitation to a mentee you've been meaning to check on.
Naming What You've Noticed, Directly
Coaches often avoid naming a mentee's struggle directly, fearing it will feel intrusive. But most mentees find direct acknowledgment more comfortable than a coach who pretends not to notice anything has changed. A brief, direct comment, paired with no pressure to respond a certain way, tends to open a door that studied neutrality keeps closed.
A coach never mentions the obvious change in a mentee's engagement, and the mentee assumes the coach either hasn't noticed or doesn't care.
Name one specific change you've noticed to the person directly, then let them decide how much to say back.
Offering Yourself as Specific, Not Vague, Support
Mentees rarely respond to a general "I'm here if you need anything," because it requires them to define and initiate support they may not have words for yet. A coach who offers something concrete, one specific time, one specific activity, one low-stakes way to reconnect, removes the burden of asking from someone at reduced capacity.
A coach can respect a mentee's need for space so completely it reads as disappearance, or stay so persistently present it starts to feel like pressure. The workable balance is low-frequency, low-demand contact: brief, specific, undemanding gestures that keep the door open without requiring the mentee to engage on any particular timeline.
Name one thing, honestly
Who is one mentee you have been giving "space" to, and what is one small, specific gesture you could offer them this week instead of waiting?
Good. Now look back at the "Try this" line under whichever lesson feels most connected to what you just wrote, and treat that as this week's actual assignment — not all 4 at once.
The practices from this edition
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Run this for seven days
Name one specific change you've noticed to the person directly, then let them decide how much to say back.